I think the resiliency of children is remarkable. A couple of Sundays ago, just after my brother and his fiancé left from their two week stay with us, we were all a little sad, tired and grumpy. I made the mistake of inviting one of the boys friends over, thinking the distraction would be a good thing. In the end, my younger son and the friend got into a huge fight. I was distraught over this, and talking to my son about it that night, I suggested he might want to talk to the friend tomorrow and try to work it out. My son looked at me and said, “Tomorrow?? I will have forgotten all about it by tomorrow!”
I wish I could bounce back so quickly! I’m still licking wounds from a falling out with a friend more than a year ago. I’m still sad, tired and grumpy from my brother and his fiancé’s departure. I think I need to learn something about resiliency!
In September we are switching our sons over to an alternative school program. I struggled with this decision, worried about how a change in schools would affect my two boys. In the end, I had to reflect on my older son, who in the span of his two kindergarten years changed schools four times. We struggled with French Immersion or not, with bussing issues, and with having a baby who needed a routine.
In the end, he was fine, I think there was only tears at one point. For me, it was a different story! But whatever change presented itself, he was always good to roll with it, accepting that what was, WAS. My younger son was very resistant to starting school. Now I look back at all the drama as a distant memory – and to think I was considering Home Schooling at one point!
I remember running into a good friend around this time: “How are you?” they asked innocently. “AWFUL!” I started bawling. Being a good friend, they became concerned and asked what was wrong. “Connor started school!” I could barely even get the words out, I was crying so hard! And yet they have both adjusted and adapted; more importantly, they have done so HAPPILY.
One summer, at a camp my son attended, he was “misplaced” during their excursion to the local pool. I was at the Rec Centre waiting for them to return, I saw the group returning, but didn’t see my son. Needless to say, my heart stopped. One of the counselors approached me and admitted what had happened, and that another counselor was on his way back for him.
Apparently my son, when he realized his camp was not there anymore, found one of the lifeguards and told him what happened, the name of the camp etc. All was dealt with quickly and with minimal trauma for him. Whenever I recount the story, and people ask him if he was scared, he answers, “yeah, a little I guess.” And every summer, he wants to return to that camp.
I wish I could say I was over it – I was recently waiting for my son to return from his track and field meet. They were late. I was panicking; he wasn’t at the local pool this time, he was downtown. My mind was racing… but in the end, he waltzed into the school yard, “Oh hi Mom.” He said. “Why do you look so worried?”
A friend of mine, whose daughter is in my younger son’s class, recently faced every parent’s worst nightmare – splitting up with her husband. I think it is a parent’s worst nightmare mostly for their child(ren). The agony of thinking of how it will affect them is not something we want to deal with. However, witnessing firsthand how well this little girl has adjusted and adapted to her new situation is remarkable, because she has done so HAPPILY.
I think we need to give children more credit for this quality, instead of worrying about every little, or big, change in their life. Given self-confidence, they will adjust and adapt.
Happily.
Authors note: I acknowledge though, that there are indeed unhappy adjustments and adaptations, but I’d like to keep this a positive acknowledgement of a remarkable trait that I think adults could stand to relearn.
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