It isn’t easy being a parent, feeling the very animal instincts, telling us to care for and protect our offspring. It’s tempting to put our children in the proverbial bubble, and let them gently bounce their way to adulthood! But some lessons need to be learned themselves. At a certain point you have to let go.
As usual, easier said than done!
As I’ve mentioned, my children will be going to a new alternative school that is just opening this fall. Of course I am nervous about it, especially given that my younger son is on the anxious side. He has voiced his worry, a new class, new people, etc. I hate knowing that he is worried about it, but as I explained to him, every school year is going to be somewhat like that: new teacher, some new classmates, a new classroom, and so on. He can comprehend that, and take it in his anxious stride.
For some parents that is not enough, though, and personally I think it’s too much.
There have been discussions within the new school parent community on numerous play-dates prior to the school year commencement, having ‘Facebook’ accounts so they can get to know each other online and support groups to help with the adjustment. It makes me wonder – who is this for? The parents, or the children?
Again, my younger son is anxious. His first year of Kindergarten was a nightmare for him and for me. For the first half of the year he suffered from separation anxiety that was heart wrenching to bear. I contemplated quitting my job, home schooling, ANYTHING to alleviate that feeling for him.
But in the end, I knew it was something he would have to adjust to – with lots of love and cuddling along the way. After he returned to class in January for the second half of his Kindergarten year, the teacher took me aside at a certain point to comment on the change. And he felt great too, knowing he had overcome what was a big step for him.
I should point out too, that I thought my younger son would be at a huge advantage to my older son (who by comparison cried when I picked him up from his first day of school, he loved it so much!) as he already had many friends in the school, knew some other moms and dad, and was familiar with the location and most of the teachers. But in the end it was his own anxiety that took over, and he had to come to terms with himself. (Again, with lots of love and cuddling.)
My older son, being the older, has never had the advantage of being prepared for his experiences. He is the one to lead the way, with school, camps, music lessons, etc. He has always managed it, and happily. I asked him once, when enrolling him for something, if it bothered him, not knowing anyone. He shrugged and said “I know I’ll make some new friends.” No big deal, right?
It seems for some parents it’s not enough, wanting to organize and pre-plan everything. At a certain point though, that can be something that comes back to bite you – do any of you remember when your parents commented on how they like or didn’t like a friend? Did they try to push you to do something? And what usually was your reaction? If it’s anything like mine, it was usually the opposite of the desired parent outcome.
I think Kahlil Gibran had it right in his piece about parents and children. We are here as parents to guide and support and love them with everything we’ve got, but in the end we have to let them find their own way and learn for themselves. We can be there to comfort them for the hard lessons, congratulate them on the successful ones and celebrate their growth and development. We have to let them go, while at the same time letting them know we are always there for them.
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