Even though I’m now a school principal, I certainly wasn’t always a model student, to say the very least. As a student, I was routinely sentenced to after-school detentions and was occasionally hit with the strap, that tough piece of leather (probably a belt in an earlier life) that was whipped across my hand (the one I didn’t need to write with) or across my butt by the then school principal.
So, what’s my point?
Well, when I used to finally arrive home, later than I should have, or perhaps when I was tellingly unable to sit down on a dinner chair, my parents always knew that something was up. And their accusatory question was always the same: ‘What did you do wrong at school, today?’ (They were almost always right – detentions and straps were handed out for wrongs, not for rights.)
I’m certainly not advocating for the return of corporal punishment. It was (and is) cruel, inhumane, and coincidentally illegal. But I am advocating for the return of that accusatory question. Parents today don’t ask what their sons or daughters did wrong, any more. More often, parents are most inclined to just accept their own child’s protestations of absolute innocence at face value, to then get their own lawyers on speed dial, and to then threaten severe educational consequences to the unfortunate principal or teachers involved.
Mom, Dad, Step-Mom, Step-Dad, let’s face it. Our children routinely lie. It’s a hard-wired human response. Way back in 1958, American psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg extended Jean Piaget’s original two-stage theory of human moral development to three levels.
The first, Pre-Conventional Morality, applied to children in their pre-school, elementary, and perhaps even secondary school years. Moral decisions by these children were made, simply based on perceived consequences. Nothing more.
In their young and immature minds, their decision to lie was right if they were rewarded by parental belief and support, and only wrong if they were punished for not telling the truth. So, ‘getting away with it’ was moral reason enough for children to lie. Only in adult life do we (or at least most of us) mature and shift to firmer moral ground, finally realizing that telling the truth, and doing the right thing, are far more important than avoiding painful consequences.
So, parents, please give us educators the benefit of your doubts. If your child’s been consequenced for misbehaviour, please assume that we’re right, and please assume that they’re wrong. We almost always, statistically, are. And, by so doing, you’ll have joined us in sharing an extremely valuable lesson with your children: that it is wrong to lie, and that such lies will neither be rewarded by parental support, nor re-inforced by joint commiseration against our educational system.
In return, I’ll make you a promise of my own. I’ll keep that strap locked up, where it well belongs.
As a Grade 1 teacher, I routinely see my students lie. I have one girl in particular who is extremely skilled at lying. She opens her blue eyes in wide-eyed innocence while swearing up and down “I didn’t!” If I hadn’t seen with my own eyes the actions I accuse her of, I would be easily fooled by her Academay Award-winning performance. It’s no wonder parents are so easily taken in. Parents often overestimate their child’s goodness and underestimate their weaknesses. As teachers, we are more objective. We’re not out to ‘get’ anyone; we’re just emotionally distanced enough to call a spade a spade. It’s refreshing to occasinally meet the parent that will back up the consequences we impose at school.
Wow, I find this post HIGHLY offensive. Saying that children have to be adults to mature enough to know the basics of distinguishing right from wrong? To understand that lying just leads to more consequences? This post is assuming that all children were raised with little or no morals, and that you automatically assume that all of them are untrustworthy. In reality, I think you're the immature one, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and this is Canada, what happened to innocent until proven guilty? All I have to say, is that this is the most immature, pathetic post I've ever read. Especially for a principle of an expensive private school. Oh, and FYI I'm 14, in grade 9 at my highschool, and I have been in situations where the faculty members have lied or twisted a story in their favour. So just because you were a lying dishonest kid, doesn't mean everyone else is too. God, grow up.
Wow, I find this post HIGHLY offensive. Saying that children have to be adults to mature enough to know the basics of distinguishing right from wrong? To understand that lying just leads to more consequences? This post is assuming that all children were raised with little or no morals, and that you automatically assume that all of them are untrustworthy. In reality, I think you're the immature one, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and this is Canada, what happened to innocent until proven guilty? All I have to say, is that this is the most immature, pathetic post I've ever read. Especially for a principle of an expensive private school. Oh, and FYI I'm 14, in grade 9 at my highschool, and I have been in situations where the faculty members have lied or twisted a story in their favour. So just because you were a lying dishonest kid, doesn't mean everyone else is too. God, grow up.
I understand you're 14 and in grade nine, but I think you may have misunderstood the point behind this post.
I have read and reread both your and Mr. Bird's post and I fail to see where he states – as you claim he does – “children have to be adults to [be] mature enough to know the basics of distinguishing right from wrong”.
In fact, Mr. Bird agrees with you – that “everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt” as he asks parents to give “educators the benefit of [their] doubts”. Having attended my final two years of high school at the “expensive boarding school” Mr. Bird is “principle” of (and I think you mean 'principal') I can honestly say I understand the situations to which he is referring.
Many times when students were punished, whether it was for skipping class, tardiness, or an action more severe, the student's first call was to mom and/or dad, who would then turn around and complain to the school about the 'unfair treatment' of their 'perfect little angel'.
Obviously, in many cases, stories were manipulated. When “John” is found in possession of contraband, he is punished accordingly. However, when “John” calls home to mom and/or dad he complains to his parents that his punishment was unfair because the said contraband 'wasn't his'. What “John” fails to understand is that the rule isn't disallowing the OWNERSHIP of contraband, it is disallowing the possession of it on school property and THAT is the rule he is in violation of. “John” should know better than to be in possession of someone else's contraband. However, “John's” parents call in and question, yell at, and sometimes even threaten the school's educators and staff members.
Mr. Bird is not saying all children lie, but that parents are too quick to assume the words coming out of their child's mouth is the whole truth and that there isn't any sort of omission of fact(s). He even says that according to statistics the educators are almost always correct. “ALMOST ALWAYS”, not “ALWAYS”, which means that some of the time they are wrong.
Seeing as Mr. Bird's words seemed to go right over your head I won't discuss my doubt that you have actually heard ALL sides (students', faculty's and parents' sides, that is) in the “situations where the faculty members have lied or twisted a story in their favour” that you have been in. As you stated, you are 14 and in grade nine. It is highly unlikely that faculty would discuss, in depth, such situations with someone of your age, thereby not allowing you to form a complete and informed opinion of the situation and I can't help but wonder if you are just taking the side of the student(s), as that is presumably the only side you heard (and how can you not wonder how much it may have been manipulated for YOUR benefit?).
While you criticize Mr. Bird's post for making assumptions I feel it is only fair to point out that you are doing the exact same, but without valid proof, evidence and experience to make such statements.
Perhaps it isn't Mr. Bird who needs to “grow up”, but maybe the 14 year old ninth grader who will most likely fail his grade ten literacy test as he seems to struggle with reading comprehension. Did you even read ALL of Mr. Bird's post, or are you just like the majority of high school students who seem to think they know best?
-A former Pinehurst student/Pinehurst's #1 success story