"Okay, stop the car!," Kyla Staffen told her parents, half in jest and half in panic. "I want to go home!"
Staffen was on her way to boarding school for the first time.
"I didn't know what to expect," says Staffen of the first-day jitters experience.
She had chosen to go to Pinehurst School, a small boarding school in St. Catharines, Ontario that caters to kids with learning difficulties.
But when she was in the car and on her way on this latest adventure, it suddenly became real. Instead of having her own cosy bedroom, she would be in with three other girls and the showers were down the hall.
"Oh, it was strange! I never even shared a room before," she says. "[That night] I think I stared at the ceiling for like three hours. I didn't get much sleep."
It didn't take her long to settle in, but for the first few days she was on the phone regularly to friends back home.
Homesickness is a very natural feeling, says Aimee Belmore, associate director of The Association of Boarding Schools in Washington, D.C.
But experienced school staff know what to do to stem that lonely feeling. For instance, Belmore says, parents can prepare their children by allowing them to take part in other overnight activities, like camp.
Parents also need to find a school where their child will feel at home.
"Every school has a different culture," Belmore says. Visiting the campus is absolutely essential.
Some youngsters will thrive in a fast-paced environment; others, she says, feel more at home in a smaller school.
Belmore urges parents to check the extracurricular activities and make sure they include activities their child already enjoys, which will make finding friends and fitting in easier.
Having a good friend among students or staff is the single best indicator of whether a child will want to return to the school the following year, says Doug Wetherill, admissions director at Sedbergh School, a small boarding school in Montebello, Quebec. At Albert College, in Belleville, Ontario, groundwork begins with the student interview. If a youngster has been away from home—to camp, for instance—how did he or she cope?
"As a parent, I would not send my child (to board) before Grade 7," says Kristopher Churchill, assistant head. Parents are contacted regularly during the summer before a new student arrives, and new students are introduced to their faculty adviser on arrival.
"Kids get homesick, sure they do," Churchill says. "Usually it's that first month that's the big bump."
"Sometimes it's harder on the parents than it is on the kids," says Heather Kidd, who works with Churchill in admissions.
In the first week, it is crucial students are kept busy with activities. Then, Kidd says, residential staff keep alert to clues that a new youngster is feeling blue. Word could even come from something overheard by a member of the kitchen staff.
At Sedbergh School, Grade 11 and 12 students come back a day early to be there to help newcomers. The new students arrive Monday or Tuesday, Wetherill says, so there's no weekend lag, and classes and sports programs start right away. Sedbergh School takes in only 30 new students a year. Parents drop them off in the afternoon and are not encouraged to linger, which can only prolong the discomfort.
Caring staff members are vital. "We have a lot of staff in their 30s," Wetherill says. "They are not beyond saying (to the homesick kid), Hey, let's go mountain biking."
Jeff Warner, dean of residential life at Western Reserve Academy, in Hudson, Ohio, suggests homesickness "is not something that necessarily goes away in the first few weeks. I would say we lose two or three students a year due to homesickness."
His coed school, he says, draws many students from small towns where families have no boarding tradition.
Western Reserve works hard to create that family feeling new students may be missing. Staff and their families live on campus, often have students in their homes and enjoy sit-down meals with boarders to get away from that institutional feeling.
Most kids, Warner says, "soon find friends and feel very comfortable."
As to the parents' role? They should be quite firm about choosing the boarding option rather than wavering, but at the same time should recognize that not every school is for every child, Warner says.
So what should a parent do when a child calls home early, feeling a little blue?
"Be consoling," Wetherill says. "Recognize what they are feeling during that adjustment period." It's also a good idea, he says, to contact the faculty adviser or dorm parent if a child is homesick. In a small school, staff usually would have noticed anyway; in a larger school, "the child may be putting on a brave face," he says.
Like Kyla Staffen, many new students will miss their friends at home just as much —or more than—their parents, says Dave Bird, Pinehurst's principal. "There are always those difficult phone calls, 'My girlfriend says if I don't go home this weekend, she won't go out with me anymore.'"
Parents, he says, should talk about routines for contact, phone calls and weekends (although too many weekends at home mean the student is excluded from much of the school's social life). "What goes through a lot of teens' minds is rejection. They are being sent away. It's not true."
The good news, Wetherill says, is that most teenagers are adaptable and homesickness soon disappears.
Parents tell me that, at first, they get phone calls every night. Then once a week. And then they call the school to see if their son or daughter is still here!
Learn about your U.S. college and university choices [Read more]
Well-being and belonging at Trinity College School [Read more]
Trinity College School’s financial assistance program [Read more]
The progressive Kindergarten program at Hudson College [Read more]
Lakefield, Ontario — Focussed on Community First, Outdoors Every Day, and Authentic Learning, LCS offers a world-class, individualized, day/boarding program (Grades 9 -12) designed for students to be leaders who care, connect and contribute. View School Profile.
Grades:
9 to 12 (Coed)
Type:
Liberal Arts
Tuition:
$38,600 to $79,200
Living:
Boarding/Day
Enrollment:
425
Avg. Class:
15
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Toronto, Ontario — Located in the heart of Toronto, UCC provides transformational learning experiences with exceptional day and boarding programs. Our highly sought-after graduates are awarded International Baccalaureate and OSSD diplomas. View School Profile.
Grades:
SK to 12 (Boys)
Type:
Liberal Arts, International Baccalaureate
Tuition:
$36,750 to $71,875
Living:
Boarding/Day
Enrollment:
1200
Avg. Class:
20 to 25
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Scarborough, Ontario — RCS’s purpose is to unleash the potential in each student and set them on the path for a successful life. We provide rigorous academics with individual attention in a diverse, energizing, and caring environment. View School Profile.
Grades:
7 to 12 (Coed)
Type:
Progressive
Tuition:
$22,800
Living:
Day/Boarding
Enrollment:
300
Avg. Class:
10 to 15
|
Rosseau, Ontario — Through extraordinary learning opportunities rooted in meaningful outdoor education experiences in our unique natural environment, RLC graduates develop the skills, knowledge and confidence to take on any challenge. View School Profile.
Grades:
7 to 12 (Coed)
Type:
Progressive
Tuition:
$11,350 to $66,300
Living:
Boarding/Day
Enrollment:
120
Avg. Class:
15 to 18
|
Windsor, Ontario — JK- 12/IB/AP , inter-faith/R.C.co-ed day, and boarding located in Windsor, ON Family of Schools includes Nursery, Elementary and Secondary Schools, athletic facilities, performing arts wing (music and dance studios). View School Profile.
Grades:
JK to 12 (Coed)
Type:
Traditional, International Baccalaureate
Tuition:
$10,950 to $50,000
Living:
Day/Boarding
Enrollment:
250
Avg. Class:
10 to 16
|
Toronto, Ontario — Havergal has been preparing young women to make a difference since 1894 through its innovative curriculum and future-ready programming with a focus on wellness and student agency. View School Profile.
Grades:
JK to 12 (Girls)
Type:
Liberal Arts
Tuition:
$36,950 to $68,540
Living:
Day/Boarding
Enrollment:
1000
Avg. Class:
18 to 22
|
Port Hope, Ontario — At TCS, an excellent education means students remain open to learning throughout life and doing something positive with what they have learned. View School Profile.
Grades:
5 to 12 (Coed)
Type:
Traditional
Tuition:
$28,000 to $77,500
Living:
Day/Boarding
Enrollment:
570
Avg. Class:
12 to 16
|
Belleville, Ontario — At Albert College, every student is an 'A' student. From Pre-Kindergarten to Grade 12 our students experience all 5 of the Albert 'A’ s; Academics, Arts, Athletics, Active Citizenship and Adventure programming. View School Profile.
Grades:
PS to 12 (Coed)
Type:
Traditional
Tuition:
$18,700 to $75,400
Living:
Boarding/Day
Enrollment:
303
Avg. Class:
15
|
Waterloo Region (Breslau), Ontario — SJK offers an enriched environment of exploration and experiential learning. Through its IB curriculum, SJK provides exciting experiences and guides students to discover their talents and passions. Go beyond at SJK. View School Profile.
Grades:
JK to 12 (Coed)
Type:
Progressive, International Baccalaureate
Tuition:
$19,720 to $73,700
Living:
Day/Boarding
Enrollment:
470
Avg. Class:
10 to 17
|
Toronto, Ontario — Branksome Hall is Toronto’s only all-girls, all-years International Baccalaureate (IB) World School developing the leaders of tomorrow through the nurturing of curiosity and critical thinking at every age. View School Profile.
Grades:
JK to 12 (Girls)
Type:
Liberal Arts, International Baccalaureate
Tuition:
$37,130 to $75,020
Living:
Day/Boarding
Enrollment:
960
Avg. Class:
16 to 22
|
Toronto, Ontario — The Bishop Strachan School is a leading independent JK-Grade 12 day & boarding school for girls. Students build the academic skills to thrive at university and beyond. Over $2 million available in financial assistance. View School Profile.
Grades:
JK to 12 (Girls)
Type:
Progressive, Reggio Emilia
Tuition:
$35,800 to $69,145
Living:
Day/Boarding
Enrollment:
1000
Avg. Class:
18 to 20
|
Oakville, Ontario — Appleby College in Oakville is recognized globally as one of Canada's leading independent schools. Breadth, excellence, innovation and caring are the characteristics that define the essence of the Appleby experience. View School Profile.
Grades:
7 to 12 (Coed)
Type:
Liberal Arts
Tuition:
$41,030 to $81,870
Living:
Day/Boarding
Enrollment:
785
Avg. Class:
12 to 16
|
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