Mabel Mama of Many, Julie Cole, discusses the ways gender roles have had an effect on her family and the assumptions made about kids who are just trying to be kids.
Last week I told my tween girls that I’d signed them up for a subscription to a magazine. I thought they’d be excited, but instead they responded with, “We don’t want it mom—we don’t want to read about lip gloss.” Interesting. They already know what they’re being fed and don’t like what’s being served up. Once I explained that the subscription was to New Moon magazine and its website, they were appreciative of my gift.
A few short days later, my friend Annie over at PhD in Parenting wrote about gender and the things families can do to combat gender stereotyping. Her post is jam-packed with great advice.
It got me thinking about some of the things I see and hear regularly that either confuse or bother me:
- I recently saw a Mother’s Day card that had a picture of boys riding a go-kart, with the caption: “Raising boys—it’s an extreme sport”. Having six kids spread equally across both genders, I have not experienced that the boys are more daring, adventurous, or likely to get injured than the girls. Our broken-bone count is evenly spread throughout genders. I don’t like the expectation of boys being adventurous and girls being inactive. The expression “boys will be boys” puts me over the edge. Our children are equally likely to build a fort, catch a frog, hook a worm and work in the garden. We don’t have gender-specific sports, chores or expectations.
- Sure, it was funny when I had my third daughter and everyone told Daddy-o he’d need a triple-barreled shotgun. But, really—not that funny. This notion that we must protect our daughters from their countless suitors ranks as annoying for me. My daughters will be well equipped to take care of themselves.
- Also troublesome is when adults try to inject romance into their children’s friendships. Comments about future husbands and little girlfriends—well, let’s face it, we are projecting our ideas of gender relationships on to them. Maybe we should just let them be kids for the five minutes that they actually are.
What about in your house? Does little Janey have a Grade 1 boyfriend? Does your son shovel the driveway and your daughter set the table? What impact has gender had on your family, if any?
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What do you think about gender roles in a family? Share your thoughts in the Comments section below.
Related:
Tackling the Debate: Is Modern-Day Segregation the Answer?
Role Playing: Single Sex Schools Let Kids Flourish
Single-Sex Camp Benefits: Let boys be boys and girls be girls
I only have one child, a son. My fiancee and I share household responsibilities without much respect to our gender, but with recognition of my physical disabilities. We involve our son in cooking and housekeeping tasks with us and talk about physical limitations being individual-specific rather than gender-specific. (Not all women are as weak as mommy; not all men are as strong as daddy.)
It would be easy to say that our kids conform to traditional gender roles, and some people have said that. My son likes boy games and boy movies, as his peers have taught him to do. And my daughter likes pink and princesses. But it is my son who had a daily ritual at ages 2 and 3 (and still sometimes now at 4, if he believes nobody is watching) of taking his shirt off and holding his teddy bears to his chest, simulating nursing. Of course I joke that he's got things backwards, but in truth, I don't think he has anything backwards at all. He is feeling his own nurturing urges and playacting intimacy. What a great skill to practice! I say good for him. And good for you Julie, for holding your ground for the sake of your six!